SEC Power Poll Ballot After Week 5: There's the SEC West, Then There's the SEC East

I did it. No one could come up with anything to convince me that the ballot shouldn't be structured SEC West followed by SEC East, so here it is for right now. I'm sure a division team or two will try to prove that wrong by winning a few games by 50, then prove it correct again by losing to Vanderbilt. That's just how the SEC East rolls. A little ill-defined logic follows the snark.

1. Alabama
It's Ole Miss' first time getting a visit from College GameDay, Alabama. Be nice.

2. Auburn
Again, AUBURN IS NOW PUTTING NICK MARSHALL AND JEREMY JOHNSON ON THE FIELD AT THE SAME TIME. I feel a proposed rule change from Tuscaloosa approaching.

3. Texas A&M
You still can't figure out that whole defense thing, can you?

4. Ole Miss
Yeah, we South Carolina fans thought we wanted GameDay too. Then we got one of the most disappointing experiences of our fandom, and after Kenny Chesney was done, we also lost the game.

5. Mississippi State
Maybe the cowbells will work out better for you than Sandstorm did for South Carolina.

6. Arkansas
Arkansas could win both B1G divisions and at least one of the ACC divisions. I don't know the name -- whichever one doesn't have Florida State in it. That'll probably get them to .500 or maybe 7-5 in the SEC West.

7. LSU
Put in Jarrett Lee. Wait a minute --

8. Georgia
Four points away from being undefeated. And four points away from being 0-2 in the SEC and making hotel reservations for December in Shreveport. That's life in the SEC East.

9. Missouri
I've seen some Missouri fans saying things like, "we're even." No, we're not. You guys went to the SEC Championship Game last year even though South Carolina won the head-to-head. South Carolina is not going to win the SEC East this year unless there's a typhoid epidemic or the SEC East continues to do SEC East things to an unforeseen extent. We are immediately petitioning the NCAA to get an additional year of eligibility for Connor Shaw, to be spread out over the fourth quarters of each game against Missouri for the next 48 years. Then, we'll be even. [/end rant]

10. South Carolina
And that gave the SEC Network a reason to air the 2005 Independence Bowl again. Insult to injury.

11. Tennessee
The SEC East thing to do would be to turn around and lose to Florida by 24 points. But Florida can't score 24 points in regulation against anyone other than Eastern Michigan, so it's a moot point.

12. Florida
Hey, Florida fans, Charlie Weis has been fired at Kansas if you want to try out the whole "decided schematic advantage" thing.

13. Kentucky
The Wildcats winning the SEC East would be the one thing that could make this season even more wildly entertaining. With that in mind, Kentucky, I will draw your attention to the fact that the last three SEC East champions have lost to South Carolina. Saturday's your chance.

14. Vanderbilt
Just put the defense and the special teams on the field from now on. Why even take the field on offense? Why do that to yourselves?

A few notes:

• Some people might say that Georgia deserves to be ahead of LSU, but I'm still not ready to completely give up on the Tigers yet. It was one bad game against Mississippi State, and I'm far more willing at this point to overlook a narrow loss to Mississippi State than a narrow loss to South Carolina. If Georgia keeps winning and LSU loses a few more games, it will wash out in the end.
• You can quibble with my Georgia-Missouri-South Carolina-Tennessee order, and I'm sure some will. If I did ties, it would probably be Georgia at No. 8, followed by Missouri, South Carolina and Tennessee tied at No. 9. All four of the "top" teams in the SEC East could probably beat or lose to all of the other three at any given time. It's a huge mess without a consistent way to untangle it at this point. Again, this is just a snapshot in time that will change a lot before the season is over, especially considering the disorder in the East.
• I'm giving Florida the narrow edge over Kentucky right now because of the head-to-head, but I have a feeling that's not going to last. At some point, everyone in Gainesville is going to see where this is headed, and I think the bottom is going to drop out. Also, it should really be No. 13 Kentucky followed by No. 27 Vanderbilt, but math doesn't work out like that.