1. Auburn Tigers
Don't mind Gus Malzahn's team; they're just over here putting together a 5-0 record and getting very little attention for being the No. 2 team in the country.
2. Ole Miss Rebels
Great, now you made Nick Saban angry. Thanks a bunch.
3. Mississippi St. Bulldogs
CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA Time for the annual "Put a Smile on My Face" Bowl CLANGA CLANGA
4. Alabama Crimson Tide
Really, guys, they hold field goal kicking contests all over the country. Just go to one and sign the winner to a scholarship.
5. Texas A&M Aggies
You guys are still new around here, so we'll give you a mulligan on this one, but: We don't let Mississippi State win big games. It's kind of a thing. Kindly make a note of it, and try to do better in the future.
6. Georgia Bulldogs
Todd Gurley is ranked first, and the rest of the team is ranked 11th, so it averages out to sixth.
7. Arkansas Razorbacks
Congratulations, you're no longer the worst team in the SEC West! Have fun going 6-6!
8. Missouri Tigers
Your bye week featured your best win getting beaten by Kentucky, but it happened in a very crowded time slot, so just lay low and hope no one noticed.
9. Kentucky Wildcats
There was a coach in the South Carolina-Kentucky game who noticed what kind of plays were working and what kind weren't. That coach stuck with the plays that were working. That coach won the game. Funny how that happened.
10. Florida Gators
According to sources, there was a meeting held in January in a nondescript hotel suite in Atlanta. In the room were Mark Richt, Steve Spurrier, Gary Pinkel, Mark Stoops, Butch Jones and Derek Mason. The men in the room had a problem, and came up with a solution: Perhaps they could help Will Muschamp MacGyver his way to an SEC East title, or at least enough wins to get a contract extension. It has at times proven harder than imagined, but after Saturday's game, sitting with just his assistant coaches in his office, Jones reportedly lit a cigar, stuck it in his mouth and said, "I love it when a plan comes together."
11. Tennessee Volunteers
This is what happens whenever I begin to believe that Tennessee has turned a corner. Never fails.
12. LSU Tigers
So, um, about that call for you to go with Brandon Harris at quarterback ...
13. South Carolina Gamecocks
At first, South Carolina could play offense but not defense. Then, against Missouri, the Gamecocks could play defense but no offense. Now, it seems that they have put both of them together at the same time. That is, the offense and the defense both play well or terribly at the same time. That's worse than either of the other two options, apparently.
14. Vanderbilt Commodores
They are, however, No. 1 on the power rankings for "teams whose coaches have the best overwhelmed expression in pictures." There seems to be a reason for that, I just can't put my finger on it.