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From the Desk of Big 12 Ex-Commissioner Dan Beebe

TO: Assorted jackasses

FROM: Dan Beebe

DATE: Sept. 28, 2011 (Freedom, Day 7)

SUBJECT: Accomplishments

I have had a few days to clear my thoughts and think more rationally about the mutual decision you made that I should be relieved of my duties as Big 12 Commissioner. (And I hate to be the one to break it to you all, but it's Big 9 now. Or "Texas, Oklahoma and Economy-Size 7." But whatever. It's your conference.) And I want to deny the rumors that I am really Fake Dan Beebe, though I have to say he almost completely summed up my thoughts. Only I would only forget -- what was the team I supposedly forgot again.

Anyway, after a weekend of playing Angry Birds to clear my head, I have accepted the mutual decision you made. Really, I'm not bitter. I'm not going to go on and on about how Iowa State will soon join the Horizon League, or how far a conference has fallen when its first expansion choice goes from BYU to Louisville.

Instead, I've decided to list the accomplishments we achieved under my leadership as conference commissioner. This will be my last communication to you.

  • Streamlined Big 12 operations. Removed unnecessary teams as part of a focus on increasing efficiency. Made it easier to make decisions by making it clear that only two members of the conference have voting rights. Established a clear chain of command (DeLoss Dodds > Joe Castiglione > Conference commissioner).
  • Explored new and exciting ways of distributing football content. Obviously, the most successful part of this effort is the Longhorn Network. (Well, apart from the whole "destroying the conference" and "costing me my job" part. No bitterness, though, about Texas' cold-blooded, vicious back-stabbing. Even if DeLoss Dodds does murder kittens to unwind. Not that I'm saying that actually happens or anything.) But the Big 12 has now also successfully exported its football content to the Big Ten, the Pac-12 and the SEC.
  • Ensured conference stability. Having removed Nebraska, Colorado and Texas A&M, the Big 12 now stands as one of the sturdiest conferences in the nation. Mostly because one else can get out. Isn't that right, Missouri Chancellor Brady Deaton? Brady?

With those highlights now on the record, I take my leave as Big 12 commissioner. I do not know where my future ventures will take me. But I know that it will include a lot of games of Angry Birds, and never again allowing anyone to have a television network.

Dan Beebe