The Worst SEC Football Opponents of Week 2: An Epic Feast of Cupcakes

FAU at Alabama, noon ET, SEC Network
Florida Atlantic's stadium must be a very annoying place to be on gameday. Incredibly annoying.

Just before every kickoff, the crowd starts to make lots of noise. When the ball is kicked everyone yells, "FAU" and when the ball is caught, "Owls." ... With two minutes to go in the 2nd and 3rd quarters, the "Go Owls" cheer will start. The home side starts with "Go" and the student side responds with "Owls."

No word on what they do when a kickoff takes place with two minutes to go in the second and third quarters. That could get confusing. Alabama 48, FAU 3

Missouri at Toledo, noon ET, ESPN
This game will be played in the Glass Bowl, which might be the first publicly-constructed sports stadium in the United States. Missouri 34, Toledo 13

Arkansas State at Tennessee, noon ET, SEC Network
The Red Wolves are on their fifth coach in as many seasons. One side effect of that is that John Thompson, who has served as interim head coach twice, has 40 percent of his wins as a head coach at Arkansas State. He spent two full seasons as the coach at East Carolina. (Thompson is now on Texas State's staff.) Tennessee 42, Arkansas State 21

UAB at Mississippi State, 2 p.m. ET, ESPN3
I got nothing. It's a school in Birmingham and its mascot is a dragon. There's just not much material to work with here. Mississippi State 42, UAB 13

Ohio at Kentucky, 3:30 p.m. ET, ESPNU
The story of how their school colors came to be is actually kind of creepy. They started out wearing blue and white.

It soon became apparent, however, that these colors would be unacceptable for the new football team to wear.

Unacceptable how? The site doesn't say. It was coach Samuel McMillen who recommended the new green and white, but ...

As a side note, McMillen never coached a game for Ohio University as personal problems prevented him from traveling to Athens in the fall of 1896

"Personal problems." Okay. Kentucky 35, Ohio 23

Eastern Michigan at Florida, 4 p.m. ET, SEC Network
The first logo appears to have been stolen straight-up from Michigan. They did write "Normal" across the front of the "M," because every old football team was known as the Normalites at some point. Florida 37, Eastern Michigan 10

Nicholls State at Arkansas, 4 p.m. ET, SEC Network
The Colonels' Hall of Fame includes the entire 1970 baseball team. What did the 1970s baseball team that was so incredibly special? Come in second at the Division II College World Series. Arkansas 35, Nicholls State 3

San Jose State at Auburn, 7 p.m. ET, ESPN2
There is something called the "Procession of the Spartans," which appears to include the great complexity of holding up two "OK" signals at the same time. Auburn 43, San Jose State 14

Sam Houston State at LSU, 7:30 p.m. ET, SEC Network
The list of prohibited items at Bowers Stadium, their home field, includes explosives, in case you were wondering. Fortunately, they're playing at Tiger Stadium, where I'm relatively certain there is no such prohibition.* LSU 54, Sam Houston State 17

Lamar at Texas A&M, 7:30 p.m. ET, SEC Network
Lamar has a male mascot and a female mascot, the latter known as LU. Both letters are alway capitalized, because LU. Texas A&M 63, Lamar 14

* Team Speed Kills is not responsible if you take this transparent joke seriously.