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Miami (OH) vs. Kentucky, 12 p.m., FSN / ESPN3 | We have to be really, really careful calling any game that involves Kentucky a cupcake at this point, but we'll go with it for now. In any case, if you ever need Swoop the mascot to swoop by, just fill out this handy form. He's yours for the low, low price of $100 an hour and $25 for each additional half hour after that. Kentucky 24, Miami (OH) 10
Western Kentucky vs. Tennessee, 12:21 p.m. ET, SEC Network | Big Red, their amorphous and slightly frightening mascot, has a Facebook page. Tennessee 35, Western Kentucky 21
Toledo vs. Missouri, 3:30 p.m. ET, ESPNU | They are "very excited" about the new equipment truck that will debut this week. No, really. And they still haven't used the rocket. Missouri 45, Toledo 20
Alcorn State vs. Mississippi State, 3:30 p.m. ET, CSS | Steve McNair used to play for Alcorn State. That's all I got. Mississippi State 34, Alcorn State 3
Samford vs. Arkansas, 7 p.m. ET, PPV | Terry Bowden used to coach at Samford. That's all I got. Arkansas 48, Samford 6
Sam Houston State vs. Texas A&M, 7 p.m. ET, PPV | I would not advise going to SHSU if you plan on majoring in English lit or other grammar-heavy courses, as they spell it "Bearkats." Texas A&M 57, Sam Houston State 14
Southeast Missouri vs. Ole Miss, 7 p.m. ET, PPV | They intend to play the first football game at Busch Stadium later this year. Be careful on those corner routes to the southwest corner of the field. Ole Miss 44, Southeast Missouri 3
UAB vs. LSU, 7 p.m. ET, ESPNU | UAB once beat LSU. Oh, and they're using a "rewards card" to try to get people to actually come to sporting events. But, mostly, just remember that UAB once beat LSU. LSU 35, UAB 13
Austin Peay vs. Vanderbilt, 7:30 p.m. ET, CSS | The mighty Governors* take on their second SEC opponent in as many weeks with this as part of their likely-to-go-unused fight song: "Smash Bang! Biff Bam! Clash Clang! Rim Ram!" Onomatopoeia ahoy! Vanderbilt 43, Austin Peay 3
* Might not actually be mighty.
Record on all game picks this season: 10-3 straight up; 6-5 against the spread