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The Real Meaning Behind ESPN the Magazine's SEC Curse Cover


Screenshot from EDSBS.

Spencer at EDSBS thinks he destroyed this ESPN the Magazine cover's claim to relevance, but let's take a deeper look. Maybe it seems irrelevant on the surface, but this conference knows there's always something lurking in the shadows. Red Elephant Club, amirite? So here are all the layers to this cover, peeled back one by one like an onion. Together they paint a very clear and coherent picture.

As a side note, please let ESPN know if this cover offends you. They love to get feedback on their work. Send all of your comments and concerns to their handy complaints account on Twitter. Someone will get back to you shortly.

This displays ESPN's inherent anti-SEC bias.

What's the only school that ESPN practically owns outright? Texas. Which team did the SEC add first last year? Texas A&M. Which conference does ESPN practically own outright? The ACC. Which conference does the SEC reliably beat up on? Again, the ACC.

You don't have to look to far to find reasons for ESPN's hatred of the SEC, but this cover is evidence of it in action. Need more? Consider Kirk Herbstreit's lobbying for Michigan in 2006 or their habit of assigning Andre Ware to call conference games. It's as plain as day to anyone paying attention.

But let's look deeper...

ESPN is rubbing salt in Alabama's wounds.

Count how many pins are in the elephant's feet. Four. How many field goals did Bama miss last November against LSU? Four. This can't be a coincidence.

But let's look deeper...

ESPN thinks LSU is the weakest of these three teams.

It should be obvious after the last point. The elephant has 12 pins sticking in it, the bulldog has 10, and the tiger has eight. If it takes fewer pins to take out the tiger than it does the other mascots, then evidently ESPN isn't too high on LSU's chances this fall.

But let's look deeper...

ESPN is rubbing salt in Georgia's recent wounds.

The cover suggests that the USC Trojans will be the team to knock off the SEC and take the national championship. However as we learned yesterday, 2012 USC is actually just 2008 Georgia in disguise. In 2008, UGA went from preseason No. 1 to three losses and watching a big rival win the national title.

But let's look deeper...

ESPN is trying to protect Alabama and Nick Saban.

The elephant's trunk curves upward all on its own, but everyone knows that Big Al's trunk hangs down on its own. That's an impostor elephant, and so ESPN isn't actually cursing the Crimson Tide at all! ESPN actually wants Alabama in the national title game to boost ratings! It couldn't be more obvious.

But let's look deeper...

ESPN thinks Zach Mettenberger is going to fail.

Notice anything about the tiger's eye? It's black with red thread. That's a direct reference to the fact that Zach Mettenberger started his career at Georgia before ending up in Baton Rouge. There's real significance in the fact that the button is black and the thread is red instead of the other way around. Can't you see? The tiger has a black eye! ESPN thinks Mettenberger will be a black eye on the program!

But let's look deeper...

ESPN is dissing the entire rest of the SEC East.

Take a look at the bulldog. It only has one eye. As the old saying goes, "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king". Georgia is the only SEC East school pictured, so obviously it's the king of the division in ESPN's estimation. Therefore, the rest of the division is blind (awful) according to them. Sorry, South Carolina. Even you.

But let's look deeper...

There is a subliminal message about who really runs everything.

It's hard to see unless you really look closely, but the person who controls everything has cleverly hidden his name in this cover. Don't see it? Here, let me help you:


It's all right there. Never doubt his power.