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SEC 2009 // Les Gets His Groove Back

[SCENE: LES MILES, head coach of the LSU Tigers, sits in the dark on a late afternoon, hunched behind his desk. GARY CROWTON, offensive coordinator, stands a few feet away. The mood is obviously gloomy.]

LES MILES: [Sighs.] Whatever happened to me, Gary? I used to be the guy. "The One." I was all over the place. I was the one made fun of for calling out every football conference in America and Hayley Lafontaine.

GARY CROWTON: Yes, sir.

LES MILES: I used to be the one they all clamored to hear. They wanted me to speak, to say something. And then they started following the new guy in town.

GARY CROWTON: You mean La--

LES MILES: Gary! What did I tell you about bringing up that name?

GARY CROWTON: Sorry, sir. Won't happen again.

LES MILES: I used to be a star, Gary. A star. [He brushes his eyes, pretending he's doing anything other than wiping away a tear.] Now, all the headlines are about him.

GARY CROWTON: We're talking about Coach Ki--

LES MILES: GARY!

GARY CROWTON: Right.

LES MILES: [Rising from his chair.] You know what I need? Another carton of bonbons.

GARY CROWTON: But, sir, you've already had three.

LES MILES: [Stares at CROWTON for a minute.] You're right. Time to stop moping around. Screw the world! Screw the reporters! Who needs them anyway? That's what Bo used to say!

GARY CROWTON: That's the spirit, sir.

LES MILES: I know I'm still important! I'm still the coach of LSfreakingU!

[The intercom beeps.]

SECRETARY: Coach Miles, it's Chris Low for you.

[MILES perks up instantly.]

LES MILES: Great, great. Transfer him right over. Did he say what he wants to talk about?

SECRETARY: Yes, sir. He said he's calling for your reaction to Lane Kiffin ...

FIN

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MONDAY: LSU Addresses Its Chief Concern
TUESDAY: Pelican State Planner
LATER TODAY: The Depth Chart
THURSDAY: Predictions
FRIDAY: Feedback and Conclusions