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SEC 2009 // The Tennessee Coaches Meet

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[A conference room at the Tennessee athletics complex. The coaches are seated around a long table, large stacks of hundred dollar bills in front of each of them.]

LANE KIFFIN: I see you all picked up your pay this week. Okay, let's talk about preparations for the upcoming season. Let me hear about the defense.

[Silence.]

LANE KIFFIN: Dad?

MONTE KIFFIN: ZZZZZZZZ.

LANE KIFFIN: Will somebody wake him up?

ED ORGERON: I ain' gon' do it. Last time I wake him up, he t'reaten to do what he did to some Injun many yeah back.

LANE KIFFIN: What?

JIM CHANEY: On the offensive side of the ba --

LANE KIFFIN: CHANEY! QUIET! What did I tell you about talking?

JIM CHANEY: But --

LANE KIFFIN: Shhhhh. I also hope none of you are forgetting to prepare for Alabama, because I assure that what's Nick Saban is up to right now.

LANCE THOMPSON [mumbling]: Ingrateful b------.

MONTE KIFFIN: [Wakes up suddenly.] Who are all you? GET OFF MY LAWN!

LANE KIFFIN: Dad, it's me and the rest of the coaches. We're just --

MONTE KIFFIN: Who? [Recognition begins to creep in.] Hey! You're that stupid brat on television that won't ever shut up!

LANE KIFFIN: Something like that. Just go back to sleep, dad. How's RECRUITING going?

ED ORGERON: We gon' fin' us one fantastic qua'te'back. Gon' get in my Hummeh and track one down, huntin' trough de bayou if I have to.

LANE KIFFIN: Are we after a quarterback or an alligator?

ED ORGERON: Could always call Bren' Schaeffeh, see if he still got any eligibility.

LANE KIFFIN: Um, let's pass on that one. Reaves?

DAVID REAVES: I continue to follow Steve Spurrier through the GPS chip implanted in his visor. Then, we'll figure out the best players, he's recruiting, and I'll tell them I came here because I want one of these. [Holds up a Super Bowl ring.]

MONTE KIFFIN: Hey, where did my ring go?

[DAVID REAVES begins whistling innocently.]

LANE KIFFIN: Okay, that's enough. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a press conference. [Approaches a dart board on the other side of the room, pulls a dart off of it, then throws the dart back.] Ah, it's Rich Brooks' turn. This is going to be fun. [He leaves.]

FIN