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Classic Moments in Bad SEC Ads: Got Mutant Milk?

One consequence of SEC football's popularity is that its major personalities often end up in advertisements. Since they are football coaches or players and not actors, and because the ads are usually produced by local ad agencies, we often end up with hilarious results. Over the course of the offseason, we'll be highlighting some of the best ones.

The Pitch: Milk, and from the sounds of it, growth hormone-laced milk

The Pitchman: Clint Stoerner

The Setup: Stoerner is in his study, where he keeps his dutifully laundered college and pro jerseys hanging up in front of his books. Perhaps it was the leather bound tomes, perhaps it was the smell of rich mohagany, but whatever, he wistfully thinks back to his playing days and wonders what could have been.

The Ad:




Clint Stoerner will probably always be remembered for the stumble and fumble against Tennessee in 1998, though that's a shame for one of the best quarterbacks in Arkansas history. According to this ad though, things could have been a lot different.

For one thing, Stoerner is already 6'2", so another four inches would take him from normal quarterback size to small forward/Josh Freeman size. Aside from the fateful '98 Tennessee game, it's hard to imagine his college career getting much better than it was, but that extra height could have made him so much more.

And then, there is the NFL issue he mentioned. Given that pretty much all the NFL teams considered Freeman a first rounder last weekend, despite never having played that well against defenses with a pulse, it's possible that a 6'6" Stoerner could still be in the pros. The Dallas jersey in the background is a nice touch, what with his two whole starts for them, but I guess it works better than his NFL Europe and arena league uniforms.

I get that he's trying to heartily endorse this particular brand of milk in the ad, but something is just wrong with the way he's doing it. It sounds like this milk is laced with human growth hormone and can turn people into mutants. However, just look at lil' Fake Child Clint at the beginning. There's a kid who could use some mutant-making milk.

There's plenty of good stuff here , from the bad writing ("I was somehow able to quarterback the Razorbacks" and "I might still be in the NFL") to the double-fisted drinking at the end. All that's missing is an obnoxiously phoney milk mustache.

Score: Golden-flake_medium Golden-flake_medium Golden-flake_medium Halfgolden-flake_medium

The flashback and shady undertones of the endorsement make this one funny, but it's not all-time classic funny thanks to Stoerner largely playing it straight. Plus, milk ain't exactly a classic SEC product. Get us some performance enhancing hot dogs or lumber, and you're more on the right track.

Got a tip on one for future review? Shoot an email to at gmail dot com.