TO: His Excellency, DeLoss Dodds
His Vice-Excellency, Joe Castiglione
His Red-Headed Excellency, Bill Byrne
The Seven Dwarves
FROM: Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe
July 32 August 1, 2011
SUBJECT: The Longhorn Network
First of all, I would like to note that I finally beat Level 2-17 in Angry Birds. I've been working on it for a long time now, and I'm really proud of this accomplishment, and I think it means great things for our conference. Kind of like a good omen, or something.
Anyway, it has come to my attention that some of you are unhappy with the Longhorn Network. (I really was totally unaware of this, until DeLoss Dodds told me that Bill Byrne was talking to the SEC. And I called up my good buddy Mike Slive, and he told me there was nothing to it, but then I overheard Bill in the background and got kind of suspicious.)
So let's be clear about this. There is absolutely nothing keeping another member of the Big 12 from running their own television network. I, for one, look forward to appearing on the Paul Rhoads Show on the Iowa State television network. I think it's a network that could appear in literally 10s of homes across the nation. (Which, let's be honest, would probably get them more money than their share of the Big 12 television contract.)
And we all have to remember, as DeLoss Dodds is always telling me, that you all owe the continuing existence of this pitiful little conference to the charity of Texas. DeLoss would have me remind you that he could send you all to the WAC if he wanted to, and would be guaranteed a slice of the money you made there.
So shut up and go with the flow. The University of Texas will take the Big 12 to new heights, and the rest of us are all just along for the ride.