Because of the interest in Herschel Walker's stint on The Apprentice, NBC and the Donald decide to do a season with the SEC coaches -- East vs. West.
[Scene opens in the Board Room, with the SEC coaches along one side of the table. TRUMP walks in.]
LANE KIFFIN: Hehehehe. [whispering to SPURRIER] Psst. Hey, Steve. His hair is almost as bad as yours. [snickers uncontrollably]
TRUMP: You know I can hear you, Lane.
[SPURRIER slaps KIFFIN on the back of the head.]
LANE KIFFIN: Hey! Only Daddy gets to hit me like that! And only when I ask him a dumb question, like what exactly the Tampa 2 is.
TRUMP: Gentlemen, you were supposed to come up with your team name.
LANE KIFFIN: [sulking] I still think we ought to go with "The Bear's Been Dead Like 100 Years -- Cope!"
RICH BROOKS: [to TRUMP] Excuse me a minute, orange-looking man, may I say something?
RICH BROOKS: [turns to KIFFIN] Kid, I don't remember your name. I'm too old, and I really don't care. But has anybody ever told you you're full of b***s***?
LANE KIFFIN: Yeah, but he was almost as old and crazy as you.
RICH BROOKS: What was that supposed to mean?
LANE KIFFIN: It was Al Davis.
RICH BROOKS: Come here, kid, and I'll show you why U.S. Grant would never fight me, you little --
[RICH BROOKS is restrained by MARK RICHT and BOBBY JOHNSON.]
TRUMP: So, did you come up with a project manager or a name?
STEVE SPURRIER: Bobby there, he's gonna be our project manager. Nobody 'spects him to win, anyways, so we don't really feel threatened by him, so on 'n' so forth.
BOBBY JOHNSON: Try telling that to Chris Smelley.
TRUMP: So, Bobby, you're going to be project manager?
BOBBY JOHNSON: Yes, sir.
TRUMP: And the name?
LANE KIFFIN: "C.I.A.D. -- Chizik is a Douche!"
RICH BROOKS: Shut up, Doogie Howser!
LANE KIFFIN: Bring it, Mr. AARP president!
TRUMP: Hey! Hey! Hey! Lane! Do you want to be the first person fired before we even get to a project?
LANE KIFFIN: No.
TRUMP: Okay. Then shut up.
LANE KIFFIN: [making faces, mumbling] 'Nokay. Nen nut nup.'
[TRUMP glares at LANE KIFFIN, who notices, stops mocking TRUMP and sits straight up.]
TRUMP: Bobby, the team name.
BOBBY JOHNSON: Eastern Empire.
URBAN MEYER: I still think it should be "Big Deal."
MARK RICHT: You would.
URBAN MEYER: What's that supposed to mean?
MARK RICHT: It was 85 kids dancing in an end zone. Give it up. You would think I shot your dog or something.
URBAN MEYER: I shot my dog when he bit the Golden Tebow. That's not the point. The point is --
TRUMP: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Enough!
LANE KIFFIN: You didn't call me a gentleman!
[TRUMP glares at LANE KIFFIN]
LANE KIFFIN: Never mind.
TRUMP: Now, go to your suite. I'll call you when I'm done with the other team.
[The coaches exit as THE APPRENTICE theme plays.]