Attention columnists: I know being on a deadline sucks, so here's my help to you. If you begin feeling lazy and just need to crank an easy one out, feel free to just fill in the blanks.
After an embarrassing loss to _______ last weekend, Charlie Weis is on the hot seat again at Notre Dame. His overall record is now ________, which is very similar to past Irish flame outs like Bob Davie and Gerry Faust.
If Notre Dame were to give Weis the boot, look for them to contact Urban Meyer about the opening first.
It would be a dream homecoming for Notre Dame, with a Midwestern Catholic coming back to coach the team. Meyer was the receivers coach under Davie in the '90s and he's good friends with former Irish coach Lou Holtz, so Meyer has strong ties to the school.
A potential sticking point for firing Weis is his buyout, valued somewhere around ______, which came thanks to the contract extension he signed in 2005 after a narrow loss to USC. He also has games left against __________, and if he wins those his record on the season could move to a respectable ______.
There also is the matter of convincing Meyer to leave his job at Florida. He turned Notre Dame down in 2004 in order to take the UF job, and the folks in Gainesville have the resourced to pay him whatever the Irish offer him. Then again Tim Tebow is graduating after this season, and with a potential third national title, what more does he have to prove at Florida?
For now though, Weis is still the Notre Dame head coach and he is preparing his team to face _________ on Saturday. Should Weis be fired and Meyer rejects Notre Dame, look for them to go after Cincinnati head coach Brian Kelly.
There you go. Feel free to pad it from there with your favorite rumors and attacks on Notre Dame and/or Meyer. Don't bother with research, reporting, or gathering quotes. No one expects those anymore with these kinds of articles. Or, just copy and paste from this guy. He seems to have it down by now.